Leading with Heart: How Emotional Intelligence Sets Great Leaders Apart

In 1990, the term emotional intelligence (EQ) was first coined by psychologists John Mayer and Peter Salovey; it was later popularized by Daniel Goleman. It signifies the ability to understand, regulate, and evaluate the emotions of oneself and those around them. Although some––especially leaders––may overlook this soft skill, it is what sets great leaders apart.

So, who has EQ? EQ has both a nature and nurture aspect. While some studies have shown that a portion of EQ is due to genetics, other research demonstrates that EQ can and should be learned. It is incredibly important for leaders to possess a high EQ because it influences their ability to set the tone for their team. Individuals who are in a position to lead a group have the responsibility to create a positive, inspiring, and motivating environment. This all stems from leaders who have EQ. However, it's important to note that the journey to achieving high EQ is not simple but rather an experimental one. Everyone is growing and learning as they traverse through life, so it will take a long period of time for leaders to better perceive their own and others' emotions. There are 4 main components of EQ: self-awareness, self-management, social awareness, and relationship management.

First: self-awareness. This is the ability of an individual to recognize their own strengths and weaknesses and how their own emotions impact their team. While 95% of people perceive themselves to be self-aware, the irony is ever present as only 10-15% are self-aware. Leaders are tasked with taking initiative in a group, but if they are not aware of the effect of their own actions, it cuts the team's chance of success in half. In order to combat this within yourself, self-reflection is key. By taking the time to truly consider and pay attention to your emotions and thoughts, it provides more insight and context to the situation. This can be done by mentally reflecting through morning meditation. If you prefer to reflect later in the day, you can journal to reflect on your successes and failures. You can even use the journal prompt: Today I felt ___. By filling in the blank, you can better understand how you felt, responded, and what emotionally intelligent actions you'd want to take in the future. This allows you to consciously focus on learning from these moments and this promotion of personal growth will also promote better leadership.

Second: self-management. This is the ability to control negative impulses, especially in stressful situations. While leaders must make quick decisions, you will have to make these under stress, and you can't let the heat of the situation compromise your team's hard work. Often, these distressful moods are an automatic reaction, but as a leader, those behaviors must be kept in check. This is done by breathing––in and out. When strong emotions occur, the best thing that you can do for yourself and your team is to pause, breathe, and collect yourself. By taking the time to choose how you want to respond—instead of reacting—you are allowing yourself to cool off before making any rash decisions. In doing this, you set the example and the tone. You foster respect, trust, and calm under pressure that is vital for a leader with an entire team looking up to you. 

Third: social awareness. This is the ability to discern others' emotions and to utilize that information to thoughtfully respond in group dynamics. Social awareness is best known as reading the room. This is rooted in empathy: understanding others and demonstrating that understanding with care. The best leaders are often the most empathetic as 76% of people who were shown empathy by their leaders were more engaged in the team's tasks. Why? It's because leaders who are able to empathize are leaders who care. In order to achieve this, start by intentionally reaching out to your team––don't just half-heartedly check-in but truly show that you care. Ask specific but open-ended questions to encourage them to share more, and as they do so, practice active listening by remaining in the moment. This can be done by remaining engaged and attentive to verbal and nonverbal cues. By carefully observing their body language, facial expressions, gestures, and tone you can form a clearer picture and understanding of them. As you learn more about your colleagues, also try to share some information about your own life in an effort to relate to them. As a leader, you will be able to support effective communication and cultivate healthy relationships that will translate into a more cooperative and effective team. 

Fourth: relationship management. This is the ability to influence and mentor others in conflict resolution. While conflict is never an easy thing, it is normal, healthy, and should be encouraged. This is because an environment where disagreements can peacefully take place is a safe environment grounded in trust and respect. As a leader, it is also your responsibility to facilitate conflicts in order to turn them into meaningful learning experiences. You can accomplish this by valuing optimism. This doesn't mean sugarcoating the shortcomings or controlling the situation but instead focusing on guiding and motivating your team. You can develop trust by praising their successes to show appreciation and by respectfully highlighting areas to improve. At its core, relationship management is the culmination of EQ. It takes self-awareness to acknowledge your emotions, self-management to regulate your actions, and social awareness to perceive social cues to be able to effectively manage team dynamics and relationships.

While it's clear that high EQ is necessary to become a better leader, some characteristics of it can be linked to people-pleasing tendencies. People-pleasers may seem to demonstrate EQ as they are keenly aware of others' feelings and always strive to make others comfortable through their agreeableness. Yet, they only mimic EQ because their actions can lead to dependency and burnout. EQ isn't about being nice, it's about balance. Set clear boundaries and communicate those with yourself and others. Appreciate your self-worth through positive affirmations because you are more than enough. Encourage constructive conflict and feedback because that is where the most impactful lessons occur. EQ is about balancing passiveness with aggression. By being assertive you maintain self and social awareness but in a healthy manner that allows you to effectively lead.

Within every people-pleaser, team member, and leader lies the potential to enhance their EQ. Leading with the heart is a key skill that sets great leaders apart.

Amber Liwanag - Vice President